I don’t know what it was like for you, but for me April was a whirlwind. I felt like I was thrown into a new environment and a new energetic timeline all together. On one hand, it was exactly what I had wished for. A new timeline that was abundant, safe, and stable where I could be free and independent. Yet, at the same time I felt this strong underlying fear that it was all just a dream, and I’d soon wake back up to my old reality.
Often, when we hear people talking about quantum leaping or shifting timelines, we only hear about the positives. What they don’t tell you is that once you finally get into that new space, your nervous system will likely be dysregulated from all of the chaos you endured in your past and it will require conscious effort and time to regulate it. When I first moved into my new place and embarked on this new path, I was so excited, but also so scared at the same time. I noticed that I was hyper aware of how others were perceiving me and I dealt with a lot of anxiety.
I remember talking to my best friend and telling her how I felt like I had been running from some kind of monster for a very long time and I’d finally managed to run into a portal that brought me into a new timeline that was a paradise. Of course this sounds amazing. However, while it was great to finally be safe and have access to everything that I needed and more, I was exhausted, malnourished, injured, and afraid that somehow the monster that used to chase and torment me would find its way to my new home to continue attacking me.
The thing that kept me motivated to keep going was knowing that the initial feelings of change, felt painful and draining, but that the next phase would be one of recovery. Throughout the month of April, I practiced trusting in myself. I allowed myself to experience my full range of emotions without judgment, while also releasing the negative emotions that came to the surface. I gave myself the grace to feel sad, lonely, upset, hurt, and tired, but also the discipline and faith to remind myself that no matter how confused I am emotionally, that everything in my life is working out for my highest good. By the end of April, I was feeling drained, yet optimistic.
Once May started, I began to feel more and more at ease in my new chapter of life. I slowly began regaining my energy and feeling more stable. My confidence increased and my self esteem improved because I was putting myself first. I watched myself evolve in real time. The pain, fear, and anxiety that I transmuted in April gave me blank canvas to work with in terms of creating a new self concept that aligned with who I currently am instead of who I used to be. I found myself feeling more excitement and gratitude than anxiety or doubt.
I named this project April Showers Bring May Flowers because while April had me on an emotional roller coaster, constantly going back and forth between polarizing emotions, it made me stronger. I was given the opportunity to to clearly see within myself my old thoughts, emotions, and tendencies. Pictured right next to those were the new thoughts, emotions, and tendencies that I had been calling into my life for so long. This brought me a surge of self awareness. I was able to see how the phases where life feels dark, scary, and uncertain can lead to the moments that feel abundant, loving, and joyful, as long as we just dare to keep growing.
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