Embracing The Changes of The Tide

One thing that you must master in life to reach your fullest potential is the art of detachment. Developing the ability to adapt to the changes of life without trying to force people, things, and conditions to remain stagnant for the sake of your personal comfort will give you the greatest sense of stability that comes from within. I could look at my past with bitterness or disdain for how I was abandoned and left to fend for myself; however, I choose to look at it with reverence because had I not gone through the battles that I did, I wouldn’t have unlocked my personal power.

This recent eclipse season has made sure that I practiced this universal law. To pop things off, around the middle of March, I had to break up with my boyfriend. Long story short, I was forced to accept the true intentions of the person that I thought I’d marry. Learning that someone extremely close to you has been secretly plotting on how to take advantage of you and prevent your growth is a pain that is indescribable. It’s the kind of pain that makes you cry so hard that you forget to breathe. One thing about me is that I am not afraid of being vulnerable or sensitive. I had to allow myself to really feel my feelings and accept the hurt, betrayal, and abandonment that I felt. However, just as I am vulnerable and sensitive, I am also self-assured and detached.

I decided to speak about 3 things that I learned in that relationship, which essentially were to pay attention to when someone seems to be trying hard to convince you that they are trustworthy, pay attention to when someone surrounds themselves with people who exhibit behaviors and characteristics that they claim they don’t agree with, and to trust your intuition. After posting this video, it sparked conflict between my ex and I, as he was upset that people were now aware of his actions. Oh well. I said what I said. However, with his anger and resentment, he sought to make life uncomfortable for me as punishment. Thus, there were more obstacles thrown my way and I needed to move.

Right after that happened, I noticed that I was not being scheduled at my second job. Even though it was my second job, it still supplied me with a significant amount of money to supplement my overall income that I no longer had access to. Not to mention, since then I’ve gotten flat tires, had to purchase a new cell phone and service (my last one was on a shared plan that my ex paid a portion of), had to pay my taxes rolls eyes, and I got my period.

I think we can all agree that I would’ve had every right to sit in a ball and wallow in the corner for a while. But one thing that always gets me through life is detachment from the outcomes of situations. Did I want that relationship to work out? Absolutely, but it didn’t kill me that it didn’t and deep down, I knew that there was more for me in life than what that relationship could offer. Did I want to continue working that second job? Sure, the money was good, especially considering the job was easy and only required about 10 hours per week. However, I knew deep down that I didn’t want to work there for much longer anyway and that I’d rather be creating art instead of waiting tables.

Often, when we don’t have enough courage to change our lives on our own, the divine will intervene and force our lives to change. I’ve learned throughout my life that resisting these changes only creates more discomfort and stagnancy. Embracing changes allows for growth and new beginnings.

Before I even knew that my life as I knew it was going to crumble before my eyes, I had this feeling to book a weekend trip to South Carolina to connect with Ajah, my friend, owner & designer of PSDTheLabel. I invited my best friend & amazing photographer, Christney, to join me, and I decided that it would be a great idea for us all to collaborate on a project together. When I made these plans, I had no clue what my ideas were or what I wanted to express. I just knew that I wanted to create.

As all the obstacles were coming my way, instead of feeling defeated, I focused on the future that I wanted to create for myself and the opportunity of a blank canvas that I was gifted with. Now that I was single and only had one job, I had way more free time, mental peace, and emotional energy to pour back into myself and my passions. I stayed strong in my faith that everything would work out for me and that I was being protected through this transitional phase in my life. It took me a few weeks to go through life’s storm and reflect on that to finally birth this new version of myself. With that rebirth came inspiration, thus my idea for this project was born.

At first glance, these photos are sexy, beautiful, and magnetizing. What people may not realize is that there is always a story behind art. There’s always a story behind these tantalizing eyes. With this project I wanted to express the beauty of death and rebirth through highlighting dark feminine energy. The confidence and allure that radiates from a woman is the same confidence and allure that is expressed through us allowing ourselves to be transformed through life’s ups and downs. When you look at transformational phases in life as though you are a fetus in the womb or a butterfly inside of its chrysalis, it becomes much easier to focus on what is being reborn inside of you and around you instead of what has died.

Even though the past two months have been a rollercoaster, my ability to remain focused on what I desire and what I can create instead of what was leaving my life, has made way for me to be able to get a new apartment, a new phone, curate two beautiful projects (stay tuned for the next one ;)), take a much-needed trip, and resurrect this blog! Looking back, I can honestly say that I am grateful for the recent shifts that have been thrown my way.

 If you have made it this far, I’d like to leave you with this quote from Amy Neftzger. “When I look over my past, I see that the stages in my life are like the phases of the moon. I’ve had periods where I was the waxing gibbous: fat with wealth and success. There have been other seasons when my happiness was like the waning crescent and I watched my joy fade away slowly, merging with the atmosphere around me as if it never existed. Then I felt as if I was left with nothing more than an illusion, but happiness returns in time and glows once more in corpulent fullness.”